It is Saturday morning. I'm eating my ubiquitous organic apple with cinnamon... wait...need peanut butter (Trader Joe's Organic no sugar, crunchy, in case you were wondering) for protein...
This has been a long trying week, all told, but I feel pretty good, today. Good enough to go find a new kitchen faucet! Woohooo. and the beat goes on...
Thank you all, again and again, for your lovely cards and flowers and prayers. Since I still have hair and I haven't puked, I'm guessing you folks are pretty good at the prayer part. I am so grateful...
Leads me to a point I'd like to make: Through this ordeal, when I look at the prevailing sentiment or core idea, whatever you want to call it, I feel GRATITUDE. Funny, but it is so. I had alot of anger to begin with like a deadeningly oppressive bubble I moved around under, cussing and scowling and fuming. What I realized with the assistance from the mindbody guy at CTCA is that my anger was in no way directed at God, as would be a natural assumption, but at the paradigm or truth I felt I had been living. Did the paradigm of Live Well and do those things that only healthy people invest their time doing let me down or did I not work it right and I let it down? It really made me mad to think that years and years of working out whether I wanted to or not and eating right no matter what and classes on meditation and self actualization and being "cause" in your experience were USELESS. I was also embarrassed. Did my opinion of how to stay healthy hold any kind of credibility any more because I, obviously, wasn't healthy?
Here's what I have come to with this: I could have easily had cancer in my 40s or 30s when my kids were small. How much more devastating would that have been? It could have been in a worse place or more wide spread or I couldn't have the strength and health I have otherwise to fight and defeat it if I hadn't been taking care of myself so carefully for so long. Would I have been in a place, spiritually, where I could know God was taking care of me and weather this with peace as has been my relief to experience? All good points, thank you very much. Additionally, I realize that I would, certainly and with no doubt ever, rather it be me than anyone else in my family. I thank God for this, alone. This is enough for me to be grateful.
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